Best Spam Ever

I received the following email spam. It is the best spam ever. I mean ignore the really bad English just enjoy the movie plot story! ūüôā


Greetings! After reading your profile you left in a penpal site I decided to write you to seek for your hand in marriage arrangement, so I request that you give me your humble audience and response after reading my message.

I am Miss Monalisa¬†Wahgan, I’m 20 yrs old, I am a medical student my father DR. WAHGAN¬†FESCO¬†is a very wealthy man but he has no son to inherite his wealth, so he took it as fate and love me with passion.

Two years ago my father told me to get married so that he can entrust his wealth and empire to my husband before he die but I told him not to speak of death now and beside that I want to further my education and graduate as a medical doctor before I get married, but he kept persuading me with the topic, the pressure gets too much that I decided to stay away from home for a whole year; when I came back he still raised the topic but this time there’s a son of a minister whom they had arranged for me but I told him that love is all that matters in marriage so I bluntantly refused because I don’t love the guy though I don’t know his reasons for me getting married.

So, one friday morning after having breakfast with our parents they drove out to see a family friend and to my utmost surprise I was contacted¬†an hour later by a doctor telling me that our parents were involved¬†in a car accident and were hospitalised, I couldn’t believe my ear but I managed to go, getting there I found my dear parents on the hospital bed, my mother died instantly while my father was lying helplessly bearly¬†to speak, it was the begining of our tragedy.

I was dumb founded, couldn’t say a word, but my father held my hand and told me that our uncle was behind the accident that he has been trying¬†to kill him to claim his wealth since has no son, that’s why he has been asking me to get married, it was then that I understood. He also said that we should not quarrel over his empire with our uncle else he will kill us, but that he has already secured our future through some shares he bought with a finance firm on our behalf two years ago during the financial crises.

Therefore, he adviced me to be strong and take good care of my sister and he also said that the share worth thousands of dollars and that before the finance firm can release the shares to us that I must get married, that it is only my husband  that can claim it on our behalf because that was his instruction to the firm.

After the statement he breathed his last and died too, leaving me and my sister in this wicked world, and just two months after their burial our uncle took over the whole empire that our parents left behind, as if that is not enough he sent some guys to kill us but they had pity on us and ask us to run away never to return back, that is how we left our country.

Now, since I don’t have any man in my life and I will also want to marry for love and respect I am requesting that you help me claim the share by marrying me then after claiming the shares we will divorce and everybody will go his and her own way, I will also compensate you with 15% of the total shares when everything is over.

Note: If you want to help us I want you to do it willingly from your heart if it so pleases you.  I expect your immediate response. Thanks for taking your time, Miss Monalisa Wahgan

What I wanted to send in reply but didn’t ūüėÜ


I am greatly moved by the tragedy of your tale. Indeed I would give up any claim of the 15% of your wealth just so you can be free of your evil uncle.

Unfortunately¬†I am already married. While I would divorce my wife so as to¬†help you I can’t. You see she keeps me locked in a¬†cupboard and only lets me out for good behaviour. When not chained to the kitchen stove I must clean the floor with my tongue and then iron her giant underwear which can take up to two hours due to its vast volume.

As you can see I am dire straights, but perhaps you could see it in your heart to send me a picture and maybe a small cash donation to help me escape the vile clutches of the wicked wife of the west.



(The Wicked Wife of the West wishes to claim editorial rights over and creative copyright especially with regards to her giant undies)